July 2nd 2017 after having a fun dinner at my dad’s house, Travis and I drove home around 9:30pm and when Leo, my black Pomeranian didn’t come running to the fence to greet us, I immediately felt slight panic. I got out of the car and called his name. Usually he would run full speed to the gate, and jump up and down beyond excited that were home. It didn’t matter if we’d been gone five minutes or hours.
We started searching our fully fenced yard, calling for him but he never came, and that’s when I realized he was gone. What I didn’t know at the time was that when we found him it would completely break my heart.
2 years ago in March of 2015 I had a miscarriage. Travis and I were so excited to be expecting a baby. The thoughts of names, if he or she would look more like me or him. Buying clothes, baby stuff having a little person that was half of me was thrilling and scary. Then at 10 weeks I started spotting. My heart dropped. I called the doctor, went in for an ultrasound and watched the screen for a sign of a baby and listened for a heartbeat but only heard there dreaded words, “I’m so sorry but there is no baby.”
We’d gotten a heartbeat and an ultra sound picture of what looked more like a squiggly line than a gummy bear because we went in at six weeks for the first appointment when usually doctors have expecting mothers wait for the 8 week mark. But since I had irregular periods I had no idea how far along I was.
The whole experience was miserable, it hurt like a son of a gun which I had not expected and then the emptiness of no more baby filled my soul. I cried in bed for days, asking God why. But why does anything like this happen to any of us? We’ll never really know.
After a couple weeks of moping around I decided I wanted a puppy. If I couldn’t have a baby, I’d have a puppy. I searched for about a week, I knew I wanted a Pomeranian because I’d always wanted one my whole life. I LOVE, fluff and I love, little.
Then I saw a sweet little black face with a white patch of fur on his chest. He was a few hours away but I talked my husband into driving to get him. The second we saw him I loved him. He was just so dang cute. A tiny little fluff ball.
(He even has his own instagram! lol)
We took him home and slowly but surely I started to feel better. He mended my broken heart and became my baby Leo. We took him to the vet for vaccines and checkups just like we do now with my 9 month old baby girl, Jaylee. And We took him everywhere, i even used to take him to the grocery stores and set him in the child seat, until i was politely asked not to bring him anymore 🙂
A trip to Sedona hiking in the hills, where everyone had to compliment his cuteness. And where we carried him most of the way because it was too hot for a little fluff ball with black fur.
I took him for a walk every morning in Arizona around our apartment complex before it got too hot. Even though he had a lot of “accidents” we never made him go outside alone. We took him to the park where he chased Travis around for hours, loving life.
Then we moved to Utah where we hiked to a waterfall, and I posted on Facebook holding him up sand said. “Look I found a baby bear” that’s what he looked like in my arms. He had so much fun and so did we. Splashing in the water and running with Travis on the trail.
Where he also got his first taste of snow!
Then another move to Idaho where we wanted to buy a house. I told the realtor that it had to be a house with a fenced yard for Leo. We basically bought a house around the needs of our dog lol. That’s how much he meant to us. We found the house fully fenced, big yard and he loved it.
He was there for me when I had a terribly hard pregnancy with Jaylee. The last half of my pregnancy I had to lay in bed most of the time and he was always there to take away my loneliness while my husband worked.
But all the trips, and hikes aren’t why I’ll miss my Leo the most. Its the everyday things. It’s looking out the window and watching him race cars, motorcycles, and trucks along the fence. My neighbors always commented that they couldn’t believe how much energy he had.
It’s not seeing his cute face in the window as we’d left the house. He’d jump on the couch and look at the window and watch us leave. If he was out in the yard he’d followed me to the gate and bark as I pulled out because he wanted to go.
Its sad waking up and not seeing him laying on the bed at my feet, usually on his back sprawled out. When I drop some food I have the urge to call his name. When I walk into the house I miss him jumping up and down excited to see me. When he’d followed me into the bathroom for any reason. If I laid down on my bed, I’d heard his toenails tap along the kitchen floor and second later he’d be jumping up to lay beside me.
It’s sitting here writing this, tears pour down my cheeks and looking over at the other couch where he usually was and not seeing him there. Or he’d been on my lap. He loved to be on my lap whenever I was trying to do something productive.
It’s seeing his little black hairballs on the carpet and knowing they’ll never be there again.
My rainbow fur baby is gone. Ran over by someone who didn’t care to stop. My heart broke after two days of searching and we get word he might have been seen on the highway. We drove to where he was last seen and I screamed out “NO!” when I saw his little body lying in the center of the highway on a patch of grass.
I hadn’t been there to comfort him when he died. His body was left there to rot for two days. I asked God again “WHY!” why did you take my first baby and now my Leo? I’m still asking this. He was more than a dog to me and my husband, he was like my kid. And most people will never understand the bond we had. People say it’s just a dog. Or it’s hard to lose a pet… But for some of us it’s like losing family.
There are so many things I wish we would have done different that would have saved him, so we wouldn’t have this emptiness of him being gone from out lives but I can’t think about that. I’m grateful we were able to find him and bring him home and get closure so we didn’t always wonder what happened to him. I hope soon that I won’t cry because it’s over but smile because we had him.
He was one of my favorite hello’s and my hardest goodbye.
I love you, Leo.