Heart beats faster. Breath catches. Butterflies pitter patter in tummy when he’s around. When apart the heart yearns to be near him; almost painful but joyous. When mind wanders it’s to the next time you’ll see his beautiful face. A face that’s seared into the memory like flame. A face not ever forgotten. Hearing the beloved’s name brings a smile. Thoughts of the future play in day dreams; white dress, black tux, a house, babies.
Is he the one?
He must be!
He is always on my mind.
I’m in love.
If you’re not married I’m 99% sure that you’ve sat and wondered more than once, “Will I ever find ‘the one’. And “how will I know if they’re the right person for me?” or “What if I marry the wrong man?”
I know I had those thoughts countless times in my dating years. Most people thought that I was too picky because I didn’t date a lot and had even less boyfriends. I thought it was pointless to be committed to someone that I couldn’t see a future with. I mean, the sole purpose of dating is to find your life mate, right? At least that’s my opinion.
But I want to tell you that the feelings described above do NOT mean that this person is the one.
Infatuation and or love, doesn’t mean they SHOULD be your life partner.
“But I can’t live without him!” you think. You can. And if he’s not the right one, you will go on living.
Here’s the reality. The “one” WILL bring these feelings of giddiness, and longing, and lust but a spouse must be more than feelings. You can love the wrong man that will cause a lot of heart ache.
So here’s the bombshell that you need to ingrain in your mind.
You know you’ve found the one when you are “all I can think about” in love with each other AND you accept each other for EXACTLY the way you are at the moment.
When you DO NOT want to change anything about him and he’s not trying to change you!
Because YOU can’t change a person.
People can change if THEY want to change but YOU can’t change them.
When you start wishing he were different in some way, than he’s probably not he one. Because you need to love him for the way he is, and vice versa.
People don’t change personality traits because you marry them. They don’t change who they inherently are because you want them to. And why would you want to? You should love him for him or don’t be together.
Sure, people can change little habits like, leaving the toilet seat up or always throwing their dirty clothes on the floor instead of the hamper, or cussing, but people don’t change the way they treat you, how they talk, if they are a fitness fanatic or a couch potato unless THEY WANT TO.
You can motivate by being a good example but you can’t force anything. Everyone has free will, and you marrying someone will not mean you can change them! Anyone who thinks “if we get married this will change.” Is ignorant. “Or my favorite, “If we have a child our relationship will get better…” not a chance. It causes more stress.
If your man loves to play video games a lot (like mine) accept it his hobby.
If he smokes and you hate it, know that he won’t quit until he’s ready (if that day ever comes).
If he gets jealous easily, that’s not going to change.
If he’s not affectionate by nature, and you feel that you need to be held, snuggled, kissed and often, he’s not suddenly going to be Mr. Huggy.
This should go without saying but if he’s abusive then he’s not going to suddenly stop hitting you because he loves you.
If he’s devout catholic and you’re Mormon and you just can’t get passed the religion difference and think that someday he’ll convert to your beliefs, don’t fool yourself. Maybe he will but probably he won’t. Accept his beliefs and don’t expect to change him or end it. If you don’t accept this, he’s not the one no matter how much you think you’re in love.
You get it yet?
If he’s a workaholic, and loves his job and your love language is quality time and he’s hardly ever around, it’s going to cause problems. You think if he loves you enough he’ll spend more time with you eventually. Don’t bet your future on it.
Sometimes people change for a period of time but in the long run they are who they are and the honeymoon faze, the infatuation feelings of “I want to be with you every second of every day” fade, and you’re left with the raw, real man.
Love his flaws, his rawness, and goodness all same and you will have a lasting relationship.
And like my husband and I always say, “You know you’ve found the one you should marry because you just know they’re the one.” Call it intuition. You like everything about them, they’re your best friend and you want to make them happy every day for the rest of your lives.
Yes, there will be disputes and arguments and small things may annoy you but those aren’t big problems you can’t overlook and get passed.
You can’t be selfish and expect the relationship to work. If you want to change someone, you’re being selfish because it’s what YOU don’t like about them. (unless they are an addict, or abusive etc but then you already know there’s major problems) If your love interest really didn’t like about themselves, whatever it is you think you can change, they’d do something about it.
My favorite quote on love is “True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well-being of one’s companion.”
We’ll just end it with that great quote!