Have you ever been in an argument with your significant other and ended up hurting them? I’m sure we all have at some point but many of us don’t learn from these incidences because we’d rather be right, and like knowing that we were right, too.
Relationships are difficult for many people hence why half of all marriages end in divorce. It’s hard to compromise with someone all the time especially if the other half doesn’t give. Because let’s be honest, a good relationship is give and take, compromise, concern for the happiness and well-being of your significant other, trust, loyalty, and communication. If you don’t have all of that, you don’t have sh*t.
Yet, there is more than that to have a GREAT relationship, but I’ll go into ways people like to show and receive love another time, this is about being right or more accurately wrong.
Nobody, and I mean nobody likes to have their flaws and misgivings pointed out to them especially in front of other people. If you’re a person who likes to be right and points it out when your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend is wrong, don’t expect the relationship to flourish or even last. Think about a past time the person you loved messed up and you said “I told you so!” or “Why did you do that?” in some form or another. Sometimes it’s hard to hold your tongue but believe me, if you want to be in love, hold it. Because guess what, they already know they messed up and don’t need you pointing it out to them.
A couple years ago, I backed my mustang into my husband’s car and left a dent. I got out and stood staring at it thinking he was going to be so mad. The dent was small but regardless I felt stupid. Why didn’t I see it? How could I miss a car, it’s not like it’s small? I should have looked better instead of just glancing over my shoulder. I braced myself for him to say these exact things to me as I went inside and told him the bad news.
I’ll never forget his reaction. He looked at me, surprised and said, “Really?” but not angrily— more like he was nervous to see the damage. We walked outside and he surveyed the harm while I stared on in shame. I remember him saying my name like “ah this sucks” and then… he hugged me. Even more shocking, he brought me flowers later that day when he got home from work! Here I’d done something so stupid and he was comforting me instead of being angry and it made me love him even more.
Now on the flip side. I’ll be the first to admit I’m not perfect and my reactions aren’t always as good but he taught me a lesson that day, one I wished I’d learned sooner. Sometime before the backing of the car into his happened, we were going on a short road trip with my sister and her friend to an amusement part. We’d stopped and fueled up and then about an hour and a half of driving Travis turns to me and says nervously, “I think I forgot to put Brittany’s bag back in the trunk at the gas station.”
Immediately anger began to rise in me. My sister’s clothes, make up, computer and who knows what else was in that bag. We pulled over to check and sure enough, the bag wasn’t in there. I yelled at him, standing in the parking lot, “How could you forget the freakin’ bag? Why did you even take it out of the trunk at the gas station to begin with?!” And even more.
Everything going through my mind was we’d have to buy her a new computer, which we couldn’t afford, and she didn’t have any clothes for the weekend, and how in the world could he NOT put her bag back in the car! Ahhh!
Of course he already felt bad that he’d left it there. I could see the anxiety and remorse on his face and me shouting and pointing out that he was wrong and what he did was stupid made it worse. We got into a huge argument and the whole situation just didn’t go well. I hurt his feelings by my reaction, even though I was right. There was definitely no love or understanding in my reaction. (Someone turned in my sister’s bag and my step mom picked it up, thankfully).
But imagine if I’d reacted differently. What if I’d given him a hug instead of yelled? What if I’d told him it was alright? It would have brought more love between us instead of a memory he probably won’t forget but not for a good reason.
He and I don’t have many fights or even argue much because both of us have come to the understanding that it’s not about being right. It’s about showing compassion, and understanding. I can tell you honestly, I’d rather be in love than be right any time.