I remember being an 18 year old girl, who just graduated high school and was completely lost. My parents had gotten divorced, I didn’t have a lot of friends, and I didn’t want to go to college. I had absolutely no direction. I would spend hours upon hours most days writing a novel I was working on, shut up in the home office. I took a part time job at Big 5 Sporting Goods only because my step mom talked me into it. She told me she was worried because I wasn’t doing ANYTHING but being cooped up in that office all the time writing. (By the way it was an epic like 400 page fantasy that ended up getting lost. Back then we didn’t have “the cloud”… sad face)
It was good for me to work. It got me out of the house and forced me to associate with other people but being a part time cashier was far from my dream job. Most days I woke up in a bad mood.
I asked my coworker once “do you every just wake up pissed off?”
He looked at me with some concern but laughed and said, “No!” he was a happy guy.
But I did, and often. I didn’t know then why I was pissed off. I just was. I had a lot of built up anger from my parents’ divorce, from me gaining so much weight, because boys didn’t like me, from losing friends because I became a recluse, and from having no foreseeable future.
I wanted to be an author, but everyone told me that it was too hard and that they don’t make money. I kept writing anyway because it was literally the only thing that gave me joy at the time. I would get lost in my own imagination of these fantasy worlds I created.
Move to now, well, I’m still an introverted person but I’m genuinely happy. I just turned 30 and honestly thought I’d be further ahead in life in certain areas but I don’t dwell on what I don’t have, not anymore.
I gained 40lbs with Jaylee, my 2 month old baby, and after working so hard to lose weight before I could be upset BUT I got to have a baby! It took me years to get pregnant. So yeah, the weight bothers me but I’m focused on that I have a beautiful, healthy baby, and that I know, and have the drive to get back into shape again.
See happiness is a state of mind. We create it by our daily thoughts and actions.
If I constantly thought about NOT having a new car, or wishing I had a bigger, nicer house then I’d be angry and depressed.
I’m excited because we bought a house! Is it fancy? No, but it ours!
I’m happy that I have a decent car that gets me where I need to go and I don’t have a car payment. Are many people envious of my 05’ Pontiac Grand Prix, doubt it but it’s a smooth ride and works for now!
Each day I focus on what I can do to be healthy instead of how much more weight I need to lose.
See before when I struggled for years, literally years in my own head of how to lose weight. I would stand in front of the mirror and pick at everything I hated… My fat thighs, my big belly. Ew, look at my arms and how they jiggle. Uh stretch marks, can’t wear shorts because people will see them! I’m disgusting … I mean, this was constant. It almost makes me cry because of how mean I was to myself and I know there are others just like i was.
I hated shopping for clothes because I didn’t want to buy whatever size I was in. I hated getting on the scale, like it literally gave me anxiety because when you’re creeping up to 200lbs and all the girls you went to high school with are like a buck 15 tops, it gets to you when you compare.
How could I have been a happy person when I put myself down like that ALL the time?
If I thought that way now I’d be miserable. Am I happy that a lot of my pre pregnancy clothes don’t fit me right now? No, but I know that I’ll be in them soon. How do I know this? Because I made up my mind and I’m actively working at it.
If you want to be happy and ALL of us do, then focus on what you have. I know, you’re probably like , yeah, yeah I know this already… okay smarty pants then WHY AREN’T YOU DOING IT?
Oh, it’s easier said than done, you say? You have so many things going wrong in your life, you say?
Well suck it up and quit dwelling on it.
Is this too tough to hear? Good. Sometimes people need a little straight forwardness in a world where everything is sugar coated.
If you’re not losing the weight and you’ve been stuck at the same size forever and you keep thinking, I just can’t lose weight! Or I’ve tried everything and nothing works.
Maybe you have TRIED a lot of things to lose weight but have you actually just lived a healthy lifestyle every day for the rest of your life and stopped going on another diet?
Maybe your think your relationship sucks and your marriage is failing. Ok ruling out abuse because that’s an obvious, why does it suck? Is it because you are focusing on everything wrong with your spouse. He doesn’t help out around the house enough… she doesn’t ever want to have sex with me…
These are common complaints but if YOU started doing things to make him or her happy instead of complaining about what they don’t do all the time then things would change. You want your woman to have sex with you more? Start helping around the house without her asking! Start asking if she needs anything. Bring her flowers just because. Say nice things to her. Pay attention when she talks.
All the things you did when the relationship was new, when you were giddy and infatuated.
You want your husband to help you more? Ask him what you can do for him. Don’t nag. Ask him to help with the dishes instead of yelling because he doesn’t and then angrily doing the dishes anyway. Start focusing on all the things he does do for you! Thank him for going to work every day. Acknowledge when he does kind things. Have sex with him, lol.
If you want to be happy in this crazy world focus on the good things. Focus on everything you have instead of what you don’t. Say a prayer or write in a journal daily and name everything you’re grateful to have. Things like a healthy body, there are so many people who are sick. That you live in a free country.
The fact that you have access to the internet and can read this. You could be living in some country like North Korea where they literally don’t even know that the internet is.
Be thankful for those family and friends that you have in your life.
It’s easy to get caught up in the negative. In fact I’d say that as humans it’s a natural thing for a lot of us to worry, stress and complain.
It takes a while to change your mindset if this is you but every time you think of something negative or hear yourself complain, stop and recognize that you’re doing it.
Honestly, just being glad that you have what you have, is when things start to change.
When you have friends that complain a lot they probably bring you down. Maybe you should consider hanging out with other people or point out to them what they are doing.
If you have a spouse that is a complainer, every time they whine about something, kindly point out something that you like about them or something that they have. Not in a condescending tone. It’s ALL in the way you say things!
Like, “uh, I hate my job.” You could say, “I know it’s not exactly what you want right now, but it gets us by. I’m thankful that you’re working.” Or you could encourage them to go for a job that they really want.
If you never seem to have any money extra money then think about why you always run out of money. Is it because you’re spending too much on unnecessary things? Do you have a car payment that’s really high when you could get a less expensive vehicle? Take action to make yourself less stressed and unhappy.
I could go on and on about scenarios but in the end guide to being happy is being grateful.
Saying positive things (even if you don’t believe it at first) and getting rid of the negativity in your life.
And just living a life worth living! Go for what you want in life. Don’t let fear hold you back.
I hope reading this helps you in some way. Enjoy life. Be grateful. Love.